Love is Fierce, Love is Fire!

A tired mother feeding her baby

You can see the fire in my mother’s eyes as she stands tall in front of me, shielding me from the harsh sun, sharp winds, and piercing words.

I feel the soft gush of wind sneaking through her saree’s pallu and blowing my hair while I peak a glance and catch a hundred sun rays. I feel the warmth of her tender words as she lulls me to sleep every night.

You can see her tears filling her glassy eyes as she bears the weight of the world on her shoulder whilst still shielding me.

I feel cozy in my core basking in the warmth of her smile.

You can see her calloused hands as she prepares my food and feeds me.

I feel the taste of the food that makes fulfils me.

My mother was able to hide the world of hurt in the corner of her saree from me while she poured her love  all over me.

Why was I so oblivious?

Why couldn’t I recognise that in real life you get hurt over and over until you learn to fend for yourself?

Why didn’t you show me your scars and shared your sorrows with me?

It could’ve been you and me against the world. Now you are gone..

Now,

It is me against the world…

Now, I find difficulty making food for myself and keeping myself warm.

Now, I must learn to emulate you and be my own guardian angle.

I am a little angry with you for not letting me love you back the way you loved me.

Now, I am also a grown up. I can finally see the harsh sun burn my skin, feel the sharp winds cut my sleeves, and hear the piercing words filling my ears with blood.

Now, I have a little one. I want to protect him the way you protected me. The world is too harsh for him to face right away.

Oh mother, what do I do?

How do I share all parts of myself with this little one? How do I be like you and prevent him from becoming like me?

How do I become a good mother?

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