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| Surround yourself with good people and see the magic happen! |
Having found some gems in my life I think I may be able to shed some light on the matter. I have amazing friends who I dearly love and they love me back.
We are creatures of love, we need to be surrounded by people we love and desire and vice versa, otherwise we may end up demotivated and depressed.
Why does every other person keeps on complaining about not having good friends
Being blessed with amazing friends, I found it strange when I met new people most of them would complain about how difficult it is to find decent human beings and that there are just not enough good people who are there to stay.
And eventually everyone leaves you alone so what is the point of investing time and energy in them. My brother would always say that friends are only there to chill and hangout with, nothing more nothing less.
I for one strongly disagree with this thought; I believe friends are crucial in a wholesome life. I would not do away without my friends. Some people work within family and have fun with them, which could be one reason why they don’t feel the need to go out and build strong connections out of the strangers they meet and turn them to friends.
I tried doing it with my family. A lot of things came in between, first and foremost was the generation gap. I just couldn’t find something which was common in us to do. Maybe this was just with me, as I know many people who value their family a lot more than their friends and they do enjoy spending quality time at home. In any case if you feel like you need or want friends. Here are some tips I use to filter out people in my life which has left me with great friends.
The guide
1. First impressions
The moment I find someone interesting to me, the process begins. There are several ways in which I go about making friends and meeting new people. Check to see if your vibe matches, to elaborate more on this, if you are comfortable in someone’s company and you find yourself talking to them with ease this is a clearance of the first step.
2. Body language
What they are saying without speaking. Guys great observation skills help. We humans don’t just communicate with our words. When you know the other person is saying something but they mean something else, body language will help you decipher those mixed signals. Every other person has a slightly different style. Having said that there are some common traits know more about them here.
3. Check points
Create a folder in your brain to store the details about the people you meet. Make mental lists and keep adding notes to that list as and when something significant happens. These are the checkpoints that help you in knowing the other person better; you can make use of that information to understand them better.
NOTE:
Not judging a person based on one situation is important if you want to build strong bonds. Please try to understand why they did what they did before making an opinion on them.
4. Know what you want
Knowing your requirements from any long term sustainable relations help in setting your goal clear and staying clear or staying alert around people who you think don’t have similar or same goals. For example if you like someone and you want to make long term sustainable bond with them, and you either notice signs of them not being on the same page as you, or they tell you explicitly that they are not into long term things and they may not keep in touch after moving to a new city or to a new job. It is recommended that you adjust your expectations so that you don’t get yourself hurt.
We are bound to shift here and there in our total lifespan. Any group will eventually fan out in different directions.
Having said that, it helps a great deal to have clear intentions which align with the other person as you won’t be confused if in case you see them drifting away or they just suddenly vanish.
NOTE:
Understand where they come from, this will help you to get an insight of them and why they are the way they are. And also will at the very least open your brain to different types of realities present around you.
5. Honesty is the best policy
Being honest in the relationships you want to sustain for a long period of time, and maintain them in a healthy manner is crucial for your well being and mental health.
Being dishonest removes intimacy out of the equation
6. Communication is one thing which will resolve most if not all your issues.
Please note communication is a two way thing and requires both parties to listen and express their views/beliefs with each other. I am not talking about telling the other person what you want through a list and getting disappointed when your needs/wants are not met.
7. Patience.
Above all be patient. The right ones for you will stick around; you just have to put in consistent efforts to maintain the relationship. It takes time to build deeper and meaningful connections. It takes time for an average wine to be rare and precious. As Naval Ravikant says in the book ‘The Almanack of Naval Ravikant’, all real benefits in life come through compound interest, be it in money, love, career, health, relationships.
Boundaries are important
There may come a time when you may want to give up on the person in front of you because the times are too tough. And it is just not working out. You need to not give up on the people who you truly cherish when they are giving you a hard time; it very well could be just a bad phase that they are going through. Having said that please remember to set boundaries and stop giving yourself away when beyond a certain point. You can set boundaries to prevent yourself from over exertion and not give up and leave your person. Imagine this as a misbalanced see saw, in order to balance the situation you need to either stop moving, or step back a step or two.
Do not accept just about anyone in your circle
Please do not lower your bar if you can’t find good enough people even after trying just about anything. Sometimes it takes time for the right ones to find you and you simply chance upon them.
This does not mean that you should stop socializing with them; it just implies that if they don’t fit your criteria just try and keep a safe distance from them in order to protect yourself. Don’t attach a lot of emotion to them; don’t go beyond your boundaries.
Work on yourself
Work will always work when nothing else works- easy A
Work on yourself. It is a possibility that you may want to find good people but if you are not ready yourself to welcome them in your life; what’s the point? Even if you welcome them in your life, they may drift away because you were not ready yet to reciprocate with them just yet.
“To have a worthy mate, be worthy of a worthy mate.” Quoting ‘The almanack of Naval Ravikant’ here.
Why should you even try?
Believe it or not we are social animals and do require strong bonds and deep connections for a content life. Being lonely does leave us to be a bit miserable. As the old saying goes,
"सुख बांटने से बढ़ता है और दुख बाँटने से कम होता है।"
It pays off; for all your efforts because eventually when you do make meaningful connections you are rewarded every now and then if not daily with all the best parts of being alive in our society has to offer.
You have people around to cheer you when you feel low.
You have people around compelling you to become a better human being.
You receive love from them, and they happily accept your love.
Shoutout to my tribe
You know who you are.
Conclusion
Take your time to build meaningful connections with people you admire. Do not give up on them during tough times, take a step back or pause for the time being until you feel okay again. Life is beautiful.
Define an image of the kind of person you would like to have in your life, and then reflect on yourself to see if you are ready to welcome them in your life or not.
0 Comments
Thank You for sharing your thoughts.